FOUND TRUE LOVE

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

eeeks... jamie's post has tugged at my heart strings... quite so badly... and as mushy as this sounds it really means alot to me that i think someone finally understands how i feel or felt for that matter....

for months... in fact more than a year... ive found it impossible to justify my actions... in fact i think we've found it hard to justify and explain our actions... it's hard to get pple to understand... pple are quick to judge... pple are fast to wag the finger at you and call you a bitch or bastard... but hey... like wad jamie says... do they even know the details... and i believe you really have to be in the situation to understand wad it is like...

"unjustifiable but understandable" yeps... i think that's the best way to put it... and cuz of that ive finally stopped judging pple who cheat... ive stopped lookin at them with disgust and horror... instead i always look at them and tell myself... "im sure they've had their reasons for that" in actual fact... everybody has a conscience... everybody has a heart. and everybody im sure will feel bad for cheating on their partners... so nobody is really evil-hearted... it's what the person chooses to do. to follow their hearts and find their happiness? or just to do what is right?

and what adrian mentioned awhile ago... really made me wanna stand up on my feet and applaud him... cuz u seldom get a neutral party saying smth liddat... but here he goes "if you see the cheat as a huge lie a huge cheat, den of cuz, that person is so terribly wrong. but if you see the cheat as looking for happiness and following your own heart to happiness, that person is not so wrong anymore" and i think he's right... pulled the words out of my mouth indeed... in fact i think it takes a strong person to follow their hearts... it really does...

for sometimes, rships just reach a level where u realise that nothin much can go on anymore... that u just dun have that connection and u just arent happy... and that ure in it cuz it's easier to stay than to leave...

and it seriously takes a person who has experienced smth liddat to understand what it feels like... the guilt of the mistake... yet the need for happiness and closure.

i definitely did wrong... and i was stared upon with tinted glasses for a very long time... i lost all my good friends cuz of what i did.... which is really sad cuz nobody was there for me... nobody was there for him either... and so i guess that's what makes it special... we were the only ones there for each other... the only ones who understood why it happened although it was wrong. i hated going out to meet up with pple we both knew... i hated saying hi or creating conversations with pple... for i knew that deep inside their hearts, they were saying things about me and that they ultimately just thought i was a bitch... i was alone and scared for a very long time...

but i believe im starting to find my buddies back... im starting to find the love back... and im glad for it... it really takes pple with depth to understand a cheat situation from all angles... a person who has been through the harsh realities of life... the painful experiences of rships. without that... nope... no matter how much u say "i understand yes i feel you" ure wrong... u dont actually... deep down u know ure judging the person as... "still ure a bitch and it's fucking wrong"

ive been feeling really strongly about this for the past 2 years (time flies manz... that's how long it's been) ive been feeling alone and glared at with disgust for 2 years... and it all became worse when we both chose happiness for ourselves...

but before you guys judge us... and for "us" i mean the cheaters of the world... do you guys even really understand the depth of the situation? it is impt u know... to understand it... before u wag that finger at us and talk about us behind our backs...
and i personally know how it feels to be cheated on too... so really... i know how it feels to be cheated on... to cheat on someone... and to cheat with someone... and it really sucks... it leaves you a black mark for life... it's as if uve been to jail and ure a disgusting bitch... but really... i admit ive been wrong... but i know there're pple out there who understand me too... and im glad...

always monsteroo 12:52

----- final whistle, game over -----