FOUND TRUE LOVE

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

so there... the first step taken...

and it's painful... it's hard... it's not so much the hurt kinda pain... but it's the strangling kind of discomfort. i feel so uneasy... i feel so uncomfortable... i feel like things aren't going right... i feel so lousy... i feel so not happy, so not at ease... i feel hopeless... i feel very alone...

i feel like crying...

i have so little faith in this...

always monsteroo 22:33

----- final whistle, game over -----

Monday, July 30, 2007

sometimes i think we just stop seeing the other party for who they are NOW, but keep seeing them for who they were. and this taints our perception. and we just keep acting the same way we do with them, based on our old perception of them

u cant be more right there dawn...

always monsteroo 01:58

----- final whistle, game over -----

the long break's finally over. and im actually very sad that it's over... but i guess i gotta live with it and move on...

but im glad i found a friend... someone who's very much like me... someone who has made an effort to understand how i feel... or even just can empathise with me... someone who has attempted and made an effort to make me feel very welcomed... it's not everyday that u find friends liddat... it's not always you can share your life experiences with someone and actually feel understood... it's rare to struggle through the same struggles and be inspired by a friend who has been through it... and im very grateful i have one around me now...

okie... life has resumed it's normal status i shld say... and bidding has started... i hope i get my modules... and i hope my timetable doesnt suck too much... i hate it when timetables suck... argh...

actually i realise that over time ive become more introvert... and i dunno if that's a bad thing really... like... in uni... im actually not very into makin friends and laughing out loud in class... or raising my hand to state an opinion... but i guess im alright with that... im pretty alright with being the quiet girl at the back of the class who leaves and comes for class alone... who avoids eating in school cuz it always happens alone... haiz... i actually lead quite a depressing life... thank god for the friends i have arnd me now...

and thank god for you...

always monsteroo 00:45

----- final whistle, game over -----

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

i havent blogged in ages... like really donkey weeks ago...

that's cuz ive been busy... an enjoying myself... and at the same time nursing my darling with an injured back... so yah... ive practically been playing the role of his healthy mobile back... doing things he cant for him...

there're alot of things worth mentioning that has happened in the past few weeks... but to mention them would take me ages... and alot of digging up from deep within my memory... so i think i really would just prefer to skip that...

so maybe just to mention im currently watching Saudi versus Japan... and im really hoping Japan wins... very exciting game so far... saudi's leading though...

oh yah... i kinda wanna put this photo up... cuz it's really funny... all Man U fans will agree with me... AIG and Ferdinand with this hair??? surely doesnt go does it???

and... im a week away from getting the whole braces up in my mouth... currently now ive got the bands on already... and oh my god do they hurt! scraping my gums and tongue... not a nice feeling at all...

ive been having quite fun days... nighting away reading my harry potter while b reads Angels and Demons... finally convinced him to do some reading in his life... and yes... first book... Angels and Demons... so yes... we've been into reading...

alright... that's it for now... im going back to watch my exciting saudi japan match... school's gonna start soon... so i guess i better enjoy my last few weeks...

so little time so much more to do...

always monsteroo 22:27

----- final whistle, game over -----

Monday, July 09, 2007

u noe i really hate you? yes... it's you im talking about... so quit behaving the way you are... if u think ure so good... or so cool for that matter... i think ure really wrong... so really... have some self respect and stop humiliating yrself... or stop creating the wrong tabs for yrself...

yes... i really hate you... for reasons not too difficult to identify...

always monsteroo 23:24

----- final whistle, game over -----

Sunday, July 08, 2007

so there... that's road graffti for you... awesome? yea... had awesome fun doing it too... haha! and good thing is that it totally doesnt kill the environment... i like it. haha!

so yah... the wknd has came and gone... and im still procrastinating like some dumb person... okie... maybe i just have to write a list of things i really need to do... see how long it actually really is and den freak out! haha! hols are coming to an end and im like... not doing anythin yet.

okie... besides doing up my room... finally my new bed is here... upgrading from a single to a queen is pure bliss manz... shiokness! haha! so at least i have a reason... ive been busy doing up the house... after the renovation... goodness gracious. the amount of things i have to do is... faintable manz. but it's good in the sense that im getting new curtains... new bed... new lamps... new picture frames... im basically doing a room make-over... with marcus lee as my designer. haha!

so yea... i shall go write up that list now... and im happy im singing in chorale again... im really happy... it makes me feel so... at ease? i dunno... i just feel more fulfilled... yah...

always monsteroo 23:44

----- final whistle, game over -----

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

----- bon voyage -----

i hate bidding farewells... i hate saying goodbyes. den again i think everybody hates it right? this morning i saw one of my closest friends off at the airport... i hated every moment of it... i hated the ride to the airport... i hated the part where she walked off to the gates... and i hated the moment after that... when i was on my way out of the airport... i asked myself... the airport really is a confusing place... pple go there to vent out stress, anger and hurt at the viewing gallery... pple go there to earn money, for their careers... pple go there happy that someone they havent seen in a long time's coming back... pple go there to say farewell to their close loved ones... pple go there to study... pple go there to eat... pple go there to take wedding photos... pple go to the airport for all sorts of reasons... but i totally hated the reason i was there for today. i just wish the day where i go there to pick Jamie up comes soon... i hope she's doing ok...

----- crash -----

accidents on the roads are scary... over the past few days ive been witnessing many accidents... even accidents that occur right before my very eyes where i see the car engulfed in fume right after crashing into the divider and flying few metres forward... and just now on my way back from Sembawang (sent marcus back to camp) i saw an accident too... and i hate it when all i can do is just say a silent prayer for the victims and the families of the victims... and drive on to wherever i wanna go... it makes me wonder if it's a sign for me to start treasuring the pple arnd me more?

----- the mystery of love -----

how do u know u love a person anyway? somehow today i felt love... at least i think it was love... im not sure... as i saw the fear in your eyes when the doctor said he was going to do a scope for you... i felt my heart pounding alot faster and my hands turn cold. as i saw the doctor take out the scope tube... i almost cried. as i saw the way u crunched up your face and clenched yr fist tight when the doctor gave u the nasal anaesthetic... i felt myself clenching up every muscle in my body. as i saw the pain on yr face when the doctor stuck that scope tube up your nose... i felt the tears come to my eyes and i wanted to just go up to the doctor and stop whatever he was doing to you. as i continued watching the way you jerked each time he inserted the tube abit more... i just looked away and wiped the tears that were brimming waiting to roll down my cheeks. as i saw u sitting there helpless and in pain, i just wished i could take your place. is this love? i dont know. but ive never felt like this before.

----- the innocent punished -----

i know of a guy... who's business failed... went into gambling in hope of winning back the losses... but obviously getting into worse debts... this guy has a family. a huge family. a family of 5 children - the youngest being 2+ and the oldest only being 12. in desperation, he turned to the loansharks. after a while... he couldnt return the money and the children faced torture and fear everyday... they came home to splashed paint all over the door... glue stuck in the keyhole... their father's names written all over the void decks. but all they could do was to help to paint over these horrible writings. in hopelessness, he turned to a close family friend for help. and without any hesitation, this friend lent him $35 000 to clear the debts... but still... he never learnt his lesson and continued to gamble. he never stopped. more and more debts came. he borrowed more and more from this close friend. until one day... he stopped borrowing and told the close friend that he would return him the money one day. due to this "rift", the families drifted apart... once close enough to meet up every wknd for dinner... now turned to a situation where a meeting once a year was considered lucky. after 7 years... the man never bothered returning the money to his good friend. before all these happened... the man's kids loved going over to the close friend's house, where they could play all day, run in the garden that their small HDB couldnt allow, eat as many chocolates as they could, and have KFC for dinner. but ever since the whole thing started, such meetings became from rare to never. is it fair that because of their father's misdeeds, they're deprived of the joy? yet again... it seems like things would be awkward if they went to visit their good friend's family... i really sympathise with the kids. maybe one day i will go and visit them.

--- what a day -----

random thoughts interrupting what was supposed to be a beautiful day. sometimes life has unlimited surprises... all u have to do is to expect the unexpected.

always monsteroo 23:39

----- final whistle, game over -----

Sunday, July 01, 2007

it's been awhile since i actually blogged... not that long but long enough... yea. haha! well... ive been busy with alot of things...

but the "worst" thing that happened to me is not being able to sing for In Song... sucks la. the inverted commas are cuz... it's not like the worst worst thing... but it's bad enough... noe wad i mean? argh... i mean like... learnt all the songs... practised... den i cant sing... haiz... shit la... reason being my dental stuff... i scared clash and all... haiz... what shld i do? i actually feel like stopping my dental thing... shld i? haiz... sucks...

hmmm... so the biggest thing that happened was last night's meet up for Jamie's farewell thingy... it was at Village... and we met hell lot of pple at orchard... haha! yeps... met like 2 of marcus' camp mates... met his TKSS junior... and elke. heh! we alighted from the same train... but initially we cldnt recognise her... when we finally did we figured saying hi wld be a bad idea... so we just din... yea. quite a funny moment that was... haha! sometimes when reality does its random sudden checks u have no idea what kinda odd stuff can hit you... hmmm... oh wells...

okie den... so photos it shall be... im too tired and there's too many things for me to do... so tata!

oh and thank you to Jamie and Lucas for another oh-so-cute addition to my rattan box (cuz i bought a nice rattan box to store my lovely only-come-alive-at-night darlings)... it's really sweet of u guys... i love it... i think this one shall be a guy... so he... but i havent thought of a name for him... suggestions anybody?

always monsteroo 21:38

----- final whistle, game over -----